This Thanksgiving I’m aware of “shoulds”

I’d say I’m a grateful person. It’s easy for me to come up with 10 things I’m thankful for-which I often write down during my morning prayer routine. In the quiet, early hours of the morning, while I’m sipping my coffee and enjoying my prayer time, I feel a lot peace and joy.

Then the kids wake up and my job begins. I get lost in the hustle and bustle of getting the kids breakfast, out the door to school, and chasing down my one year old who makes a bee-line for the door every time it’s opened.

I search frantically for my cup of coffee-only to find it cold and possibly with a piece of crayon inside. Where did those feelings of peace and joy go?

It’s in these moments that I feel guilty. “I should be more grateful.” So I rattle off all those blessings I wrote down, but there’s a second phrase following each that is tinged with guilt.

Thank you Lord for our kids! I should be more grateful because I know other moms who are yearning for a child.

Thank you Lord for our house! I should be more grateful, but all I can see is the mess.

Thank you Lord for the gift of being at home! But I am exhausted from the never-ending pile of laundry.

And that’s when I hear the still-small voice that is as gentle as a whisper remind me: “Being thankful is a choice.”

I feel guilty thinking, “I should be more grateful!” because I’m telling myself that I’m doing something wrong. But that isn’t the case. The truth is I can be grateful even if I don’t feel a sense of gratitude.

To love is to will the good of the other—I don’t always feel a sense of love.

What if we approach gratitude the same way: to see gratitude as willing a thankful disposition, both interiorly and exteriorly.

Sometimes the feelings follow, but they don’t have to.

Then whenever we hear ourselves say, “I should,” we can remind ourselves we have the choice.

“I can choose to be more grateful.”