Letter to Parents about Feelings

Do you ever find yourself acting in a way you don’t like?

I do!

I know all parents can give examples of times when they reacted to their children’s behaviors. Here’s a few of mine:

My daughter hit her brother. I yelled.

My boys’ room was a disaster. In a harsh voice I complained that they never listen to me and ordered them to clean it up right away.

In these these examples, it’s not that I didn’t handle the situation well. My daughter needed to know it is not okay to hit her brother and my boys need to be held accountable for picking up their room.

But guess what? In these scenarios, I was reacting from my frustration instead of acting from a calm, compassionate self.

Can you relate?

I’ve learned that being aware of what I’m feeling and accepting that feeling, changes the way I show up as a mom.

For example, in the first scenario when my daughter hit her brother and I yelled, I am aware there is a frustrated part of me. So I name that feeling and accept that I’m feeling frustrated. Then as I take a deep breath, I remind myself that I have the choice of how I respond. I can yell and throw a fit (which my frustrated part wants to do) or I can calmly talk to my daughter and give her a consequence for her actions.

When we are aware of what we’re feeling and accept that feeling, we are able to respond from our true self instead of from that part.

Take the second example of my boys and them not cleaning up their room. When I see the messy room, I acknowledge there is an angry part of me. When I accept this part, I see that I don’t feel listened to or respected. And then I realize it’s okay to feel angry. However, the way I respond is an opportunity to speak from a patient, calm self instead of my angry part.

I would say this all the time when I was a teacher. “You can feel the way you’re feeling, but your actions need to be appropriate.”

Has anyone ever told you this as a parent?

You can feel the way you feel. It’s okay. Acknowledge that part of you. Accept it. And then take a deep breath. You’re doing a great job!